Somewhere the woman I married just last summer is being held hostage. The gentle, soft-spoken wonderful woman whose bright smile always made everything wonderful is tied up in an abandoned warehouse as a ransom note has been lost in the mail.
In her place is a 5'2" 2nd grade school teacher that's been living in our house...and I'm absolutely terrified of her.
She almost killed the cat this morning. As a scratching noise was heard in the living room I went to go check on things as to make sure the cat wasn’t clawing our new couch, but my wife, or her stand in rather, was all over it. The house shook with the force of a class 5 tornado as what sounded like a truck came crashing into the room with a roar that was heard two streets over. It was her, she scooped the cat up and I was sure he was a goner. NOoooooo! she bellowed from the depths of which I had no idea existed. Instinctively, I took a few steps back, attempting to get out of the line of fire. I noticed the dogs had already abandoned ship leaving me to fend for myself.
After giving the cat and I a look that would give Seal Team Six the shivers, everything fell silent. She walked back down the hall to the bedroom to continue getting dressed. After catching my breath, I let the cat, with his 8 remaining lives, outside and noticed the dogs had taken shelter in the sun room. Nice job guys...
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