Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

This one's been stuck in my head recently....

I'm beginning to think my wife may my want to hurt me. This may sound absurd and I fought with my reasoning for several days before coming to the realization that yes, I think she does want to inflict a little pain. There's no other explanation for some of the happenings around our house latetly...

Nothing major, just a little jab here or a nudge there, enough to get her message across. Why you ask? Why would my sweet little wife want to make me feel a little discomfort?

Payback. Her body is going through a cluster of changes as she creates life inside of her. It is the experience of a lifetime and something that is truly a miracle.  (And as I've recently been informed a once in a lifetime event for us.)

But this miracle of life is causing my wife fatigue, headaches, food aversions and cravings, varicose veins, stretchmarks, swelling, dry skin, mood swings, frequent urination, and a bevy of other problems that I am spared as I go about my daily life with a goofy I'm going to be a dad grin on my face.

She is being a total trooper about the whole thing, I will give her all the credit in the world for that. However, I have noticed a few peculiar things at home. Faint at first, but now my suspicions are mounting. It started with the occasional knee to my back while in bed, then maybe an errant kick to my leg on the couch. It seems my wife would like to share a little bit of the discomfort she's feeling.

Over the weekend we were putting up some decorative wooden trim in the hallway. I had to stay on alert, as long sections of trim were coming within inches of my face. At first I chalked it up to accident, shaking it off and going about my business.  But then I noticed it was happening frequently, a corner piece just grazing my nose, then another being jabbed into my ribs. Slowly, I came to the conclusion that maybe this wasn't accidental.  I had to keep my guard up at all times as the house became an obstacle course of dangerous tests waiting behind every corner.

I haven't asked her outright if she is trying to hurt me, and perhaps she isn't. It's not as if she is waiting in the other room with an anvil hanging over the doorway, or sticking her foot out to trip me as I come down the hallway, but subconsciously I think she wants to share this little miracle with me, both the pleasure and the pain.