Smooth Sailing

Today begins Week 17 in our journey to life.  I am still confused excited as ever but I do have some questions about the smooth sailing of the second trimester.

From what I’ve gathered this is normally the time when things calm a bit as the mother-to-be starts to adjust to her body’s changes.  As everyone is different, I’m sure that every pregnancy is different, but I can’t help but shutter at the thought of the third trimester when things begin picking up steam. 

In reality, it's not all that bad, but at this point if my wife’s head spun completely around on her neck I would not even do a double take.  I wish there was more I could do to help but my Google searches have proved fruitless when looking for a ways to speed up a pregnancy.

I give her all the credit in the world as there is no way that a man could do this, I am completely sure of that.  I cry for days when I come down with the common cold, I can’t imagine how I would deal with morning sickness, cramps, and gulp, discharges.  Moving on.

On top of everything else she's dealing with, the school year has begun and she has a classroom full of 7 year olds to teach, so I think I will cut her some slack on the mood swings, exhaustion and four letter words being thrown around the house.

On a final note, as I learn by mistake, I now know that you never call a pregnant woman a psycho, no matter what actions point to the contrary.

Where Is My Wife?

Somewhere the woman I married just last summer is being held hostage.  The gentle, soft-spoken wonderful woman whose bright smile always made everything wonderful is tied up in an abandoned warehouse as a ransom note has been lost in the mail.

In her place is a 5'2" 2nd grade school teacher that's been living in our house...and I'm absolutely terrified of her.

She almost killed the cat this morning.  As a scratching noise was heard in the living room I went to go check on things as to make sure the cat wasn’t clawing our new couch, but my wife, or her stand in rather, was all over it. 

The house shook with the force of a class 5 tornado as what sounded like a truck came crashing into the room with a roar that was heard two streets over.  It was her, she scooped the cat up and I was sure he was a goner.  NOoooooo! she bellowed from the depths of which I had no idea existed.  Instinctively, I took a few steps back, attempting to get out of the line of fire.  I noticed the dogs had already abandoned ship leaving me to fend for myself.

After giving the cat and I a look that would give Seal Team Six the shivers, everything fell silent.  She walked back down the hall to the bedroom to continue getting dressed.  After catching my breath, I let the cat, with his 8 remaining lives, outside and noticed the dogs had taken shelter in the sun room. Nice job guys... 

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