Patting The Tushy...

We’ve finally gotten our son to sleep in his crib at night and it is a beautiful thing. But it hasn’t been easy. There are still some kinks to work out, as he wakes up around midnight or sometimes one, fussing and crying. As first time parents, we let it go for as long as possible--sometimes nearly ten minutes! At which point my wife nudges me to “Go pat his tushy” At which point I roll out of bed, stub my toe or crack my shin against the footboard—at which point I swear that I will remove that thing in the morning—and trudge across the hallway in the dark, into his room where I kneel at his crib and commence to patting…his…tushy. Within minutes he falls right back to sleep and I sneak out, avoiding the well known squeaky areas of the hardwood floors en route back onto the sweet sliver of mattress where I sleep.  

And that’s the end of it. We wake up feeling refreshed and glorious, ready to take on the day with zest, full of life and vigor and—okay enough, we wake up feeling human and that’s all we need. And it's all because I pat his tushy. 

Up until parenthood, I’d never heard the word tushy. It just never came up.  It wasn’t like the fellas would come over and we’d talk tushy. Did you see John the other night, he really showed his tushy! or Oh, Joe, he’s just being a tush… Nope, never happened. And I hope that it doesn't find its way into my vocabulary rotation anytime soon. (I just rid myself of saying Jeez).  I’d much rather use the word bum, or butt, or worst case scenario, hiney. Because word placement can make all the difference.  I’m not sure how Mike Judge would have pitched Beavis and Tushhead to MTV… 

Tushy Patting...

The tushy pat is widely accepted in the sporting world, both after a score or a botched play. It seems there are two types of tushy pats. The nice play tushy pat is more of a smack, while the It’s okay man, we’ll get them next time, is more of a reassuring pat. (Tony Romo, for example, seems to get a lot more of the latter, especially in December). 

Tushy patting is frowned upon in the workplace, especially in regards to the opposite sex. If Gina is having a bad day I wouldn’t suggest patting her tushy and singing Hey Diddle Diddle. Or Back That Tushy Up for that matter...Just the word tushy might land you in the HR office… 

For a construction worker, the word tushy would bring with it a whole host of problems. I’m picturing a John Goodman type, nudging the guys on the job site and saying, Hey guys, look at the tushy on that one! You have to be careful...

But then again some foreign leaders—and members of our own congress, could use a tushy pat from time to time. Take that Kim Jong guy for example. He could use a nuk and nap. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so cranky. 

So this is my life at the moment, dinner conversations using words like, potty, poop, and….tushy. But I'll call it what I need to as long as it gets us some peace and quiet in the night. I’ll remain ready and vigilant on my tushy patting patrol, along with my faithful dog Bruce who joins me cribside in the wee hours of the night. Because when all is quiet, he likes his tushy pat too…