I write this post filled with an array of knowledge of all things pertaining to baby care. Go ahead, ask me something, anything. Actually don’t. I left this class more scared than informed, certain that I will never safely secure a baby seat. I’m also uncertain as to what a crying baby needs, or how in the world I am supposed to differentiate a healthy stool texture from an unhealthy one for that matter...I didn't know I had to look at it! |
| Anne with Alfred |
We arrived at class early, as I had rushed my wife out of the house to get there on time. As we walked in, we were offered a baby, and to my wife’s dismay, I picked out the biggest one I could find. I named him Alfred, so I wouldn't call him Simon and get all attached. (He was very realistic).
As the other families joined us, I recognized the doe-eyed look of the other expecting fathers walking into the classroom.
As the other families joined us, I recognized the doe-eyed look of the other expecting fathers walking into the classroom.
Our instructor, Charlotte, was a pleasant lady who apologized for the scorching temperatures in the room, probably not the best environment for the very pregnant women to be sitting in.
She asked how long we thought the average delivery time is for first time mothers. My wife immediately chimed in:
She asked how long we thought the average delivery time is for first time mothers. My wife immediately chimed in:
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| Alfred and Me |
“10-15 minutes?” The room laughed, and this was when I realized I was sitting next to the class clown.
Our little comedian made remarks about the instructional videos, breast feeding, car beds, diaper changes, circumcisions, and much more.
She pointed out that I had drowned the baby in the tub, clunked his head while changing his diaper, and possibly dislocated his arm while attempting to get his little onesie on correctly. But Alfred took it in stride, he was a trooper who I’m sure had been manhandled by far worse than the likes of me. Besides, he looked completely content in the neat swaddle I had wrapped for him.
For the remainder of the class, I frantically scribbled notes while my wife occasionally snorted in my direction, doing everything short of calling me a nerd. It seems the teacher is quite the unruly student.
For the remainder of the class, I frantically scribbled notes while my wife occasionally snorted in my direction, doing everything short of calling me a nerd. It seems the teacher is quite the unruly student.
As 9pm approached, the yawns began to spread throughout our anticipating class and it was clear we were on borrowed time. Charlotte wished us luck on our delivery and sent us on our way, armed with another instructional dvd to watch at home and a few helpful websites. All in all, it was $20 well spent. Next up for us is a tour of the maternity ward, or as they call it, The Birthing Unit, which sounds to me like a facility at Sea World.
I remember doing this with my husband when I was pregnant with our first. Nothing really got to me until they showed the video of a C-section birth and I literally remember sitting there wanting to pass out or at least leave the room. I swore I would never go through that and thankfully I had natural childbirth both times, which as painful as it was both times, was better than thinking about me cut open. Just scared the you know what out of me!! Anyways, looked like a good night was had and touring the hospital is quite fun, especially seeing all the tiny babies in the nursery :) :)
ReplyDeleteLuckily we did not watch that video Janine, I may have run out of the room if we had! I am looking forward to the tour though.
DeleteJust to chime in here, first of all, hilarious post! Not sure if you watch "Modern Family" but there was a really funny episode a few weeks ago about a baby class...Anyway, it's funny what Janine said above because when my husband and I went to a class, someone asked about a c-section birth and the woman said the recovery feels like you've been hit by a truck. Then, my husband kept asking questions about a c-section and I whispered, "I'm not planning on having a c-section, why do you keep asking about it?" Well, as you can guess, I DID end up having a c-section delivery (not scheduled but necessary afte 20 hours of labor and only 5cm dilation). Bottom line, it was not a big deal AT ALL. And, my other 2 kids were regular deliveries -- yay me! Anyway, my point is that you can't plan your birth experience any more than you can plan what your baby will look like. However, you and your wife sound like you are taking all of the pre-planning in stride and if you keep your sense of humor in tact, you will be wonderful parents! Very excited for you! I loved being pregnant more than anything else -- truly!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ohboy, I did see that episode (my wife and I love that show!), luckily my wife did not get us in any real trouble. Thank you for the advice, and I agree, wew can't plan for everything, which is fine as I would rather go into some things blind!
DeleteWhen I had my first child, I went to the hospital and was sent home. I was told I wasn't in labor, but I was just having a muscle spasm. In fact, I couldn't actually tell when the muscles spasm turned into labor. Needless to say, after the first kid was born, I vowed I would never take that long again to have another child. Pushing alone took me more than an hour. And frankly, I don't know how long I was in labor because I thought it was a very painful muscle spasm. The other kids I popped out in less than 2 minutes. However, the thing is, these babies we create aren't nearly as fragile as the ones they make you practice on. Sure, it will be awkward at first, but that is just the process of parenting. Before you know it you will be changing diapers and putting on onsies in your sleep!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be a mess, but I'll try to hold it together for my wife's sake. It is good to know that I will get better at the baby stuff,I'm sure I'll get all the practice I need.
DeleteOMG - I read half your post here to my husband giggling. This is too cute and SO AWESOME!! Can we be just like you when we become parents? You both are just the coolest couple, ever! Awww. I love the Alfred line and...awww...I'm just melting over all this. Fantastic post!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cyndi, I'll let my wife know that someone out there thinks we're cool! Haha!
DeletePete, this was such a cute post! It's great that you and your wife are so excited. I don't have children, but I hope to be in your wife's shoes in a few years. Keep joking together! From what I hear, you'll need a good sense of humor with kids. :)
ReplyDeleteThis post is hilarious. At our birthing classes my husband was the class clown. Everyone was all serious and he was making the funniest jokes. It made the whole experience so fun...and he's turned out to be a great daddy. LOL thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aprille, every class needs one I suppose! Good to hear!
DeleteThanks Cari, we are both very excited, for the baby of course, but also for the pregancy to be over for my wife's sake!
ReplyDelete