Friday, June 7, 2013

Law & Order

Morris The MooseAn unthinkable crime occurred right under my nose yesterday as a routine thursday evening took a near deadly turn. Changing the bedding in my son's crib, I relocated Morris the Moose from his secure location inside the crib to a temporary holding location, the less secure laundry basket.

In a house full of animals, their stuffed counterparts have to be accounted for at all times because they can vanish, only to be found minutes later on the floor with their limbs scattered and insides strewn. It's ugly and it's terrifying. My job is to prevent it from happening.

Finishing up with the bedding, a foreboding silence fell over the room.  I turned, spinning in fear as I realized what had transpired. I looked under the crib, hoping the moose had taken refuge in the safe confines of darkness.  Nothing, my heart sank as I found only tufts of fur and dust. I had to find the moose.
The stealth nature of the crime took a combination of skill and experience that only a hardened criminal could pull off. Light on his paws and having a rap sheet is as long as his roaming range, my initial inkling was Mason. AKA Blue Eyes, AKA The Pest, AKA Needlenose. I cringed as images of his past victims flashed through my mind. 
*Warning, the images below are graphic by nature and not suitable for young children
DUNG DUNG...

 





The animals above never had a chance. They are brutal reminders of what can happen when one becomes careless. My son is far too young to cope with such loss at this impressionable young age, and I owed it to him to find that moose...
Stepping out of the room, I came face to face with Ole blue eyes in the shadows of the hallway. With his ears up and head cocked, Morris dangled by an ear from the clutches of ivory teeth. My gut had been right, he’s always had a taste for stuffing, ever since that incident with the pillow as a puppy.  The showdown lasted only mere seconds before I made my move.
I charged after him. He bolted down the hallway into the kitchen, my wife and child turning at the sound of the commotion as I gave chase, He's got the moose, Mason's got the moose!! Mason is as quick as they come and I was no match for his speed. We hurled through the living room, over the couch, and back down the hall, his tail swishing as I caught the glimmer of a tear in the Moose's eye.  It may have been drool, it's tough to say...
Determined to outsmart the family pet, I waited around the corner, peeking to see the moose still hanging from Mason's chops. His paws clicked on the floor as he paced like a wolf in the forest. And then, in a desperate act to save the moose from a certain and torturous death, I lunged, grabbing Mason by his scrawny head and wrestling the moose from his jaws. 

Looking over poor Morris, his ear has a few bites missing but he's expected to make a full recovery. I set him back in the safety of the crib, turning off the light and wiping my brow. Another day, another life saved. Until next time blue eyes...


Dog Mugshot
Busted

9 comments:

  1. LOL! I love your sense of humor. This has however reminded me that I have my own stuffing killer at home!

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  2. Thanks Stevie, stay vigilant, it's the only way!

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  3. Pete, this is really funny! You should submit it to Playground Dad or Sixty Second Parent ASAP! Well done!
    Justin Knight- Writing Pad Dad
    Writing Pad Dad Blog

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    1. Thanks Justin, I appreciate it!

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  4. If Mason needs an attorney for his trial, I'll be happy to represent him. I'm not a lawyer but then, he won't know the difference.

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    1. Mason needs a good lawyer, and a life coach Diane, and now you guys will be close by!

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  5. I was literally laughing out loud as I sit here alone reading! (Your Twitter link in the Share doesn't work but I copied and pasted your link to Twitter.)

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    1. I'll check that out Caroline, thanks for sharing!

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  6. HA! Awesome post!! Love it. My dog used to do the same thing! Good job on saving the moose!!

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