Monday, November 12, 2012

The Eternity Store

November Saturdays are a magical time for college football.  The games intensify as teams make a final push for the post season.  Rivalries are in the air and---what?  Oh we’re going to the maternity store?  Oh good.
University of Virginia's Scott Stadium
On a beautiful Saturday, with temperatures reaching 70 degrees, we headed an hour up the road to the mall because our mall doesn't have a maternity store  (who knew?).  I had ducked the first shopping trip, but I was handcuffed here; it was my wife’s birthday weekend so I couldn’t say no.  I could, but there would be consequences involved.

In the car, my phone started buzzing, a friend of mine had made the trip up to Charlottesville to watch the University of Virginia take on the Miami Hurricanes.  How boring!  My wife and I on the other hand, were on our way to the Motherhood Maternity store to find some white blouses.  How exciting! 
Motherhood Maternity Store at Tanglewood MallEntering the mall, we walked past Buffalo Wild Wings, The announcers’ voices could be heard in the distance. ~~~What a play, now that is not something you see every day!~~~ Yeah, I thought, neither is this sale going on at the maternity store! 

We find the store, and it was everything I imagined.  Stretchy shirts and pants were abundant, elastic reigned supreme, and comfort was winning the battle over style.  I settled in, checking my phone periodically for scoring updates.  14-14 in the first quarter?  What’s going on?  Oh well, Virginia will lose, they haven’t been that good this year.  My wife heads to the dressing rooms.  I get a text message.
21-21  Wtf is going on?

She's talking to the sales lady, never a good sign.  They point her towards a rack of what looks like a couch covers.  I check my phone:
28-24 Virginia at the half – Seriously?  Touchdowns were being scored in Charlottesville at an alarming pace.  I was missing a shootout. I’ve got to find a t---What Honey?  Oh yes, that looks great!
I had spotted a spa store of some sort across from the sports bar.  Complete with massage tables and chairs.  I wonder if this was done on purpose.  I was willing to pay for high dollar for a massage at this point if it meant I could sneak into the sports bar for a score.  I hear my name...
She asks which color velour track suit I liked better, they are both strikingly similar to something from the set of the Golden Girls.
“Gray”  I answer.
“That’s not my color.”  She says, and I remember that my own lease on the color blue is up for renewal.
“Brown?”
Back to the dressing room, score check, 31-28 Miami.  Virginia’s going to lose again, maybe it’s a good thing I’m missing this.
I turn my attention to the small gifts near the cash register.  Father to Son A tiny book that holds my attention for 2-3 minutes. My wife comes out, the salesperson reminds her of the buy one get one half off sale.  I cut my eyes.  Low blow sales lady, you know she's easy pickings.  My wife is a salesperson’s dream, she can’t resist.

Update, Miami 38, Virginia 28.  Stupid iphone, I hate you.  I don’t want to become one of those people, who walk around like a zombie staring at their phones.  But I’m bored…I’ll snap a picture.

bored while shopping
<----That about sums it up.  (And yes, I'm fully aware that at times I act like a 9 year old).  Finally we're done, there's nothing left to try on. My wife whips out her credit card and makes her purchase, I don’t look, don’t want to know.  We leave and she’s happy.  I take another picture.
The next stop was lunch, and low and behold there was a tv with the game on.  Virginia had fought back and was trailing 38-35 in the fourth quarter.  As I’m sitting in the empty bar, drinking sodas and water with my pregnant wife while watching the game,  I realize that my Saturday’s have change just a bit.
We get the tab and Virginia is falling apart.  They play better when I don’t watch, so we head to the downtown shops.  The last time we were there this shop had these hanging wooden planes that I wanted to buy for the nursery if we had a boy.  They no longer have them.  This trip is a bust.  I check the score as we drive home.
Virginia has just scored, and with 6 seconds remaining, they lead 41-40.  This cannot be happening! But it does happen, Virginia beats Miami and the all is good in the world.  I’m sure it is because I didn’t watch.  My wife is happy, the day is beautiful, and Virginia won a football game.  I love shopping.

9 comments:

  1. Pete, this was too funny and sadly you can shake hands with my husband, because he too would tell you that I have done this to him with shopping, especially when I was pregnant and he also went to shop for maternity clothes with me. And somehow there is always a major football game on, lol :)

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    1. Thanks Janine, all in all it wasn't so bad I guess! And yes, compared to shopping ALL of the games are major!

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  2. Pete, Hilarious post! You are a GREAT husband to go maternity clothes shopping...I never dragged my husband with me, but I dragged my mom instead. I love hearing your stories because I LOVED being pregnant and to this day I always say I would love being about 6 months pregnant for the rest of my life. I know, strange, but I'm not kidding! Anyway, glad the day ended well, both in the store as well as on the football field.

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    1. I will read your comment to my wife OhBoyMom, thank you...although I'm sure my wife will not agree with you on the being pregnant part!

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  3. oh this is great. more laughs! I love your blog. :)

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    1. Thanks Aprille, glad you enjoyed it!

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  4. Oh, Pete, I just laughed so hard my stomach hurts! I love your dry wit. I feel like this post could have been written by my husband. You're so funny! My husband and I are both die-hard college football fans, so we both know that Saturdays are for football; Sunday is for errands. But a sale's a sale, right!? :) Seriously, great post!

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    1. Thanks Cari, my wife, being from upstate New York, does not fully appreciate college football, I'll work on that!

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  5. Another funny post. You had me giggling again. I don't want my hubby to come with me on these sorts of excursions - it's sheer torture for him and he lets me know. So, I drag his sister out. ;)

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