Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Remote Setting

Watching television with my wife, I often have to compromise due to our different tastes. While I tend to enjoy slapstick comedies such as The Office, she’s more of a police drama, Cold Case type girl. Lately however, she doesn’t make it through a car commercial without falling asleep.

Now with the football season underway, I've had to resort to a covert channel change technique--very carefully--one false move and she’s awake, her eyes will adjust and I'll find myself watching House Hunters as the game heads into overtime on ESPN. 
The first step is the ever important remote control placement.  If I have to rummage through between the cushions or lean up to the coffee table I run the risk of stirring a sleeping pregnant wife, which could lead to a foot massage, not good when a game's on. 

Also taken into consideration is her breathing pattern.  If I can’t see her eyes, I have to guess by her breathing whether or not she’s sleeping.  Long deep rhythmic breaths mean it’s time for the hand waive.  The hand waive is just as it sounds, when I think she’s asleep, I will waive my free hand over her face, no response?  It’s game time.
Lastly and perhaps most important, is the volume.   Many times, after all is clear, I'll flip to the game and....THE CROWD GOES WILD, WHAT A SENSATIONAL PLAY!!!  I’ve forgotten to turn the volume down and she's now awake and wondering what happened to the syndicated episode of Law & Order involving an East German
crime ring.

Now sometimes there are elements out of my control.  I can do everything mentioned, and just as I settle in to watch the game, the dogs will start barking, the phone rings, and I'm back to square one.

But don't feel bad for me, there could be far worse situations to be in than a little remote control strategy. Besides, once the baby is here I may not be as concerned with what's on television anyway.

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