Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Are we there yet?

The long road of Pregnancy

We’ve now entered the stretch that I was warned so fervently about.  Early on, people would ask how my wife was doing and I would respond enthusiastically.  She’s great!  I often wondered why women would scoff at this, or look at me as if I was a lost puppy.  Just wait, wait until the fun part begins. 
I laughed, thinking to myself, no, not us.  My wife is carrying this baby like a boss.  We haven’t experienced anything close to the horror stories I’ve heard from friends and family members, or that guy from the Do It Yourself website forum.
It was too easy, I was beginning to look for a stork circling the house.  My wife complained little, joined me to walk the dogs, and was basically her sweet, lovely self.  She had none of the weird food cravings and aversions that are so common with pregnancy, and life went on as planned.  But then, when I wasn’t paying attention, it happened.
I woke up one morning and my wife’s belly had ballooned overnight.  It hung out of her shirt like a WalMart shopper.  She rocked back and forth, trying to roll out of bed.  No more fun and games, my wife is pregnant!
Just last night for instance, I glanced over at the counter and noticed a glass of orange juice and a jar of pickles on the counter.  She ate a plate of lasagna that would make Michael Phelps jealous.  We have two containers of ice cream in the fridge and a heating pad in the microwave.  At 6:36 this morning, she asked me what I wanted for dinner tonight.  Time to hunker down, this is what I was warned about.
Climbing into bed with a pregnant woman is like fitting into a puzzle.  I have to find an unused place in the bed and be sure not to move any of the strategically placed pillows.  There’s snoring, peeing, shifting, swelling, sweating, and moaning. 
Her ankles are swollen and puffy, her wrists hurt, her back aches.  On one occasion, I woke up to her leaning against the doorway, giving herself a back massage in the middle of the night.

With two months still to go, I hope it doesn’t get much worse. (Go ahead, laugh)  In all honesty, we have been lucky, but pretty soon I will be putting my wife’s shoes on for her and pricing motorized carts.  So to all who have been through this already, please, let this expectant father blindly go the rest of the way without knowing just how much worse things can get.  Who knows? Maybe this little guy will decide to make an early exit.

14 comments:

  1. Pete, you made me remember all too well those last few weeks of pregnancy. The story about your wife scratching her back against the wall, i could relate to, but it wasn't my back, but my feet. I couldn't reach said feet over my huge belly that I ended up rubbing them over room dividers in our home to try to stop the itching. I swear this is stuff that you couldn't make up if you tried with pregnancy. No fears, when pregnancy ends a whole new set of interesting occurrences will begin to happen. Trust me :) :)

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    1. You mean everything will return to normal, right Janine?

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  2. Like I've said before, I LOVED being pregnant to the very end for all 3 of my pregnancies...that being said, I did get pretty huge and had one person ask me if I was having twins, which I was not. (Hint: NEVER ask a pregnant woman if she's having twins unless you KNOW she's having twins). Your wife may also get asked if she is due any day, even though she's still 2 months away...she'll come up with some great comebacks I'm sure. Enjoy these next 2 months and as many people have probably advised, go see lots of movies now b/c new parents want sleep and if they do get a night out, will likely choose dinner rather than a movie...

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    1. Will do, OhBoyMom, although my wife would miss most of the movie with her pee breaks! We will be sure to get our sleep while we can though!

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  3. Ha ha ha ha ha ha... oh sorry... I mean.... ha ha ha ha ha...

    Ok - I got control of myself. I remember this all to well. When I was pregnant with my first one, I was sick the entire time. But I can guarantee that not all pregnancies are the same. My next ones were fairly eventless. Have fun... soon it will be sleepless nights instead!

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    1. I suppose I asked for it...we will be sure to appreciate the next few months Stacy, thanks!

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  4. My wife had morning sickness pretty much the entire 9 months, otherwise she was pretty great. And the baby repaid her for the sickness by pretty much dropping right out when the doctor told her push...doctor said it was the fastest delivery in her 15 year career haha!

    Now that baby is a 2 1/2 year old terror and I long for the peaceful quiet days of pregnancy. Enjoy it while you can!

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    1. Will do Steve, and I hope our delivery is short and sweet as well!

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  5. LOLOL....you had me giggling more than once. Not that this is funny, but LOLOL. Walmart shoppers and motorized carts had me bursting out laughing. Looking forward to reading about these next two months. :)

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    1. Thanks Cyndi, I guess I do throw my wife under the bus at times, all in good fun though!

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