Monday, December 10, 2012

The Last Childless Christmas

christmas tree lotOver the weekend, my wife and I headed out in search of a Christmas tree.  In recent years we settled on the convenience of The Home Depot, grabbing a tree on the way out of the store and hoping it would make it until Christmas day.

But this year, both of us were feeling a bit more in the spirit of things. So with temps nearing the 60 degree mark, we headed to Dave's Maine Christmas trees and wreaths, a roadside lot with a large selection of fresh Frazer Fir trees

Under the string of light bulbs we began our search for the perfect Christmas tree.  And I got all sentimental, (when did this happen?), realizing that this would be the last Christmas with just the two of us at home.   As a matter of fact, this year has been full of lasts.  The last childless birthday, the last childless father’s day, the last childless anniversary, the last childless everything.  

But something happened that I'm sure will not be a last.  I managed to lodge my foot squarely in my mouth.  Searching for that perfect tree, my wife rejected my choices, calling them scrawny or scrimpy, shaking her head with every candidate I presented.

She pointed to her choice, a full tree that was $10 more than the ones I had selected.  And then it happened, I called the tree fat and out of shape.  But I didn’t stop there. In a complete lapse of judgment and an absence of sanity, I continued, calling the tree pregnant.

She shot me a disparaging look, her eyebrow raised as she put together my sentences.

“Is that what you think of me, fat and out of shape?”

Oh boy.

“No honey, I didn’t mean it like that….it must have been my angle, or the lighting….I actually think this tree is beautiful, it’s radiant…..a fine looking tree….it glows really, if you ask me....I’m going to go run out into traffic….”

After letting me suffer for a moment, she laughed it off, as she is an excellent sport.  But still, I have to be more careful.  (And for the record I don’t think my wife is fat and would never, ever say so if I did.) 

Eventually we picked the perfect tree.  We loaded it up into the truck and brought it to our home to decorate, playing Christmas songs and kicking off our last childless Christmas together.  



Afterwards, we sat back and enjoyed our beautiful tree, the colorful lights sparkling as they reflected off of our childhood ornaments. And I must say, the tree is a stunning, a glowing tree that lights up our house and warms my heart, just like my pregnant--but not by any means fat--wife.

13 comments:

  1. Oh Pete that was almost as bad as my husband telling my OB, when told we could still do it, that he indeed doesn't do fat chicks!! Yes, my husband was joking, but so not funny when you are so very pregnant and some insinuates you are no longer attractive in their eyes.

    Great post and just wait until next year, your baby will probably be just about walking in into that Christmas tree, ornaments and everything else :)

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  2. Ha - you're a smart man about never saying she looks fat -- glad you nipped that in the bud before things got out of hand.:) Enjoy your "last childless Christmas" but I can guarantee a Christmas with a young child to spoil with gifts is a lot more fun!

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    1. We are both looking forward to it, I think it will be much better with a little munchkin in the house!

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  3. Hahaha...I had to read half this post to my husband. LOLOL. Okay, so yeah, um...never say the words "fat" and "pregnant" anywhere near each other around a woman...nuh uh. Haha. Glad that she took it in stride though. :) Funny!

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    1. Yeah, it was definitely a poor choice of words, live and learn I guess Cyndi!

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  4. Oh my goodness! haha Pete you have to stick with skinny sounding words:) A Slender tree that looks healthy! Right? I was pregnant - at a party standing behind my husband (he was unaware I had walked up) I was there just in time to hear him spout off like a tough guy to his friend as he scanned the crowd for me, "where'd my big bitch go?" snickering hahaha You should have seen how frightened he looked when I tapped him on the shoulder. Surprise!



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    1. Oh wow, Kelly...that makes me feel better! I'm sure he was ready to run and hide after that!

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  5. This was absolutely hilarious. I have to say, my husband might have actually said something like this if we ever went searching for Christmas trees, but we have always done fake trees... therefore they never resembled me... well, I don't think they ever did, I will have to ask him tonight! :)

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    1. I tried to talk my wife into a fake tree but she is not having it. I do like going to the lot though, it brings back childhood memories.

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  6. HAHA Pete!! Good thing you were able to correct yoursef quickly. Pregnant women can be quite emotional. By the end of the pregnancy... fat is one word we do NOT want to hear. Well, I have grandchildren now and that much is still clear in my memory.
    New year will indeed be much more special with you baby starting to crawl and walk around. And I know you've heard this (probably from your mother) that no matter how much people try to prepare you for this blessed event in your lives... you cannot adequately explain to someone how much love you will have for that little guy... until the moment you lay your eyes on him. All of it will become crystal clear then. Best of luck to you and your wife and your approaching bundle of joy.

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    1. Thanks ravenmom, and yes, I do know better than to say fat. I may not ever live it down though!

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  7. I really need to implement my grammar and spell check!

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