Baby Care Class

I write this post filled with an array of knowledge of all things pertaining to baby care.  Go ahead, ask me something, anything.  Actually don’t.  I left this class more scared than informed, certain that I will never safely secure a baby seat.  I’m also uncertain as to what a crying baby needs, or how in the world I am supposed to differentiate a healthy stool texture from an unhealthy one for that matter...I didn't know I had to look at it!

Anne with Alfred

We arrived at class early, as I had rushed my wife out of the house to get there on time.  As we walked in, we were offered a baby, and to my wife’s dismay, I picked out the biggest one I could find.  I named him Alfred, so I wouldn't call him Simon and get all attached. (He was very realistic).

As the other families joined us, I recognized the doe-eyed look of the other expecting fathers walking into the classroom. 

Our instructor, Charlotte, was a pleasant lady who apologized for the scorching temperatures in the room, probably not the best environment for the very pregnant women to be sitting in. 

She asked how long we thought the average delivery time is for first time mothers.  My wife immediately chimed in:

Alfred and Me

“10-15 minutes?”  The room laughed, and this was when I realized I was sitting next to the class clown.

Our little comedian made remarks about the instructional videos, breast feeding, car beds, diaper changes, circumcisions, and much more. 

She pointed out that I had drowned the baby in the tub, clunked his head while changing his diaper, and possibly dislocated his arm while attempting to get his little onesie on correctly.  But Alfred took it in stride, he was a trooper who I’m sure had been manhandled by far worse than the likes of me.  Besides, he looked completely content in the neat swaddle I had wrapped for him.

For the remainder of the class, I frantically scribbled notes while my wife occasionally snorted in my direction, doing everything short of calling me a nerd.  It seems the teacher is quite the unruly student.

As 9pm approached, the yawns began to spread throughout our anticipating class and it was clear we were on borrowed time.  Charlotte wished us luck on our delivery and sent us on our way,  armed with another instructional dvd to watch at home and a few helpful websites.  All in all, it was $20 well spent.  Next up for us is a tour of the maternity ward, or as they call it, The Birthing Unit, which sounds to me like a facility at Sea World.

Baby Class

I am happy to announce that I have registered my wife and I for a Baby Care class at our local hospital.  Although my wife has plenty of practice when it comes to caring for babies, I am a little intimidated by the thought of caring for such a helpless being. 

My only experiences with babies comes from visiting friends and family after they have brought a little one into the world.  There, I’m always forced to hold the baby where I’ve always been extremely afraid of dropping the fragile bundle of joy and if I did, there’s really no coming back from that.  Hey man, remember when I dropped your newborn baby?  Not a great topic of conversation at the next cookout.

Anyway, I can now rest assured knowing that everything and anything that I will need to know will be covered during this one time, 2.5 hour class.   That’s right, for $30 we will attend a class that will provide me with the all the skills I need to care for my son.  After this class, nothing will come up that I won’t be prepared to handle.  According to the summary, Baby Care Class is an A-Z class on diapering, bathing, safety topics, sign of illness, etc.  Etc means everything until the teenage years, right?

There are numerous other classes that I'm sure would benefit me as a first time parent, but some stuff I will just have to learn on my own. Besides, I refuse to take Infant Message, gotta draw the line somewhere...